So I had a bad day, or at least what I thought was a bad day... you boys were trouble, all day long not listening, whining and arguing... I was tired, overwhelmed and crying. But my bad day does not compare at all to this mother's bad day, I found a blog "Just for the record" http://aniandmatttaylor.blogspot.com/ about a little baby 7 months old, Ruby Jane, who lost her battle and struggle to live.... as her mom writes about her loss and emptiness all I can think is how lucky I am to have two healthy boys... healthy enough to run around and make messes and get into trouble. How lucky am I to have one more day with my children, even if it wasn't the best day, it was another day... oh what that mother would give to hold her baby one more time, to have just one more day with her sweet little Ruby. My heart breaks for this mother. As I read about her emptiness... she says her arms are so empty, for 7 months she held her baby but now her arms are so so empty... I want to go and hold you both and hug you and kiss you.
Usually my days with you are filled with fun and love and laughter but once in awhile, we have a bad day. But reading about others peoples bad days made me realize how perfect our bad day was... I mean the sun was shining , we were all together and we were playing and learning and living, in hind sight it dosen't seem so bad. It's all about the persepective... Ruby's mom writes on her blog a few weeks before Ruby went to heaven about her Perspective
"The old me thought I was tired and stressed out. The old me was unsatisfied with my clothes and my weight, and my ugly carpet. The old me dreaded hearing my babies cry over the monitor, too early in the morning. The old me was bored watching cartoons, folding laundry. The old me hated making breakfast and pouring endless sippy's full of milk everyday. The old me dreaded running errands all day, getting two kids in and out of carseats and into the shopping carts. The old me did not think it was a big deal to spend saturdays at the beach or paddle boats around the lake.... The old me couldn't wait until naptime so I could have some alone time. The old me hated doing dishes, and checking the mail. The old me rushed bedtime and skipped pages in bedtime stories. The old me sang lulabys too quickly and was reluctant to sing " Just one more time".
What was the old me thinking??????
My heart is literally aching right now to have my old life back, but with a new perspective! What I would give to have my whole family home on a rainy Sunday morning, making breakfast and delivering milk on a fancy platter to my Kate. I would forget about the dirty dishes and get down on the floor and play, play, play with my girls. I would be thankful for that cheap carpet, because it beats none at all. I dream of the day when I get to wake up in my bed and hear BOTH girls waking me up in the early morning. I will make them whatever they want for breakfast and turn the music up loud and dance while I make their pancakes ( because I know that is what Kate would want). I will get them dressed and spend time gently combing their hair, and breathing them in. I won't rush them. What is the rush about anyways??? I will load them in their carseats and give them kisses as I buckle them in. I will be happy listening to Disney songs as we drive to Target or McDonalds or the park. I'll chase them and tickle them and push them on the swings. We will spen our evenings playing outside and cooking together in the kitchen. Bath time will be long and drawn out, just like it should be. Bed time will have lots of cuddling, and a few bedtime stories, read slowly doing the appropriate voices for Papa bear, mama bear, baby bear and Goldilocks. Matt and I will fall into bed exhausted togeter, and thank Heavenly Father for this new perspective on life and what is truely important and ask that we might always be able to remember."
Thank you baby Ruby and her mommy for reminding me to stop and look at my life through a new perspective. I usually don't need reminded of how lucky I am, I usually give kisses all day long and enough hugs and "I love you's" too last a lifetime. I usually add extra bubbles to bathtime and read that extra story at bedtime... I alwyas give one last kiss and then even one more. But for those days that I too prayed for naptime... rushed bathtime, didn't read you a bedtime story, was too tired to give that extra kiss and then complained and moaned as I folded tiny pants and shirts and dreaded going to sleep just to wake up in the morning and do it all over again.... I am sorry. Sorry to you Michael and Nicholas for not being the best mommy all the time.... I have a new perspective on things and I will try to enjoy every moment with you a little more, the good and the bad. Michael I promise to play in the rain with you next time it rains ( you have been asking me to do that for awhile now, but it seemed like to much work or I was too busy or we had somewhere to go) and Nicholas I promise to get down on the floor and play with you more and sing with you and make a mess with you because that's what you love to do! And tonight when we go to bed and say our prayers we will pray like we always do for my boys to be healthy and safe, and tonight we will pray for baby Ruby and thank God for one more day with my boys.
